Crying Babies

Does anyone else go into a panic when their child starts to scream in the middle of a public place? Or a party? Or any group of people? It's funny 'cause when we're at home I can pick her up and she'll generally stop crying, but when we're out and about...nothing will stop her. Of course I try to act calm, but inside I'm thinking "PLEASE, PLEASE STOP CRYING!" or "What's the fastest way out of this place?"

Of course if she cries at home, well no big deal, but when I have to subject others to it I feel aweful! I know, I know...it's a phase, it's a part of motherhood, and I have to just deal with it. But that doesn't mean that I'm gonna like it. It really puts me out of sorts to have her loose it like that in front of others, then I feel like I don't wanna go grocery shopping, or to the craft store, walmart, etc.

What's funny is that there really isn't anything in life that causes me to panic or freak out 'cause it's all within my control. At least my reaction and presence are in my control, so whatever happens to me doesn't matter because I can react cooly everytime since it's MY decision. Here's the problem: Her crying and actions are not my decision, they're hers. And since she is my responsibility it's like others look at me like it is my decision. Oops, sorry, have you ever had children? ... No? Well, it's like this. No control.

Don't get me wrong... please don't think I'm complaining! I sincerely and dearly love this little girl and would do everything and anything for her wellbeing. She is one of the two best blessings of my life, and she is just perfect! Except for screaming in public places.

So, I guess this is a confession. Yes, I do get flustered sometimes, and yes I do go into a panic mode sometimes...and those sometimes are when my little girl looses her cool in front of others. So if I ever act strange or flustered when the little cutie decideds it's time to let it all out...well, that's why. Oh, and I also feel terrible when she freaks out and someone else is holding her. Not because I'm possesive at all, I really want her to be used to having lots of friends and family hold her, but because I feel like they've been burdened with listening to her scream or maybe they're holding her out of kindness, but really they want to put her down...something like that. So, all in all...just ignore me if I start to act weird because the little darling has just had it for the day. Thanks!

My Family and celebrities

Recently Ben and I rented "The Proposal", and it reminded me of the fact that Sandra Bullock always reminds me of Michelle, my sister. It's not just looks, of course they're both gorgeous, but the way she talks and certain movements, etc. Come to think of it almost all my family have a celebrity that reminds me of them. Will Smith reminds me of my brother Robert. They're both cool and funny, but serious too...and dashing dressers. Scott Baio (aka: Charles in Charge) reminded me of my brother Mike, but only as Charles in Charge. Maybe it's because they both always had nice dark, thick hair, and great surprising smiles. What's funny is that Robert's name is Roberto Carlos and we used to call him Charlie...well, many still do, but anyway, we'd always say that he was 'Charles in Charge', so it's a bit ironic. Then there's Bill Cosby who has always made me think of my Dad. They're both really funny and they do have some features that make them look similar...to me anyway. And I always remember watching the Cosby Show when I was younger with my Dad, then that makes me think of all the shows we used to watch when I was a child: Cheers, The Cosby Show, eventually Home Improvement and others. Then there's my Mama. Mom actually doesn't have a celebrity that reminds me of her. I guess she's just so wonderfully unique that there's no one like her. Well, judge the pictures yourself and tell me if you can see any resemblance. ;)

Baby Einstein

Hooray for Baby Einstein! It actually keeps Rowan entertained for at least 20 minutes, and I love it! Since we got back from California last Sunday she's been acting rather off. She cries all the time and sleeps much shorter periods. It's hard to get anything done at all! And I'm in the middle of trying to get jewelry made to sell on Etsy.com. I thought she was too young for the DVDs, but while she was crying and nothing was working I figured "why not try it?" Well, I did and she actually likes it. Especially when they show the shiney objects...I guess she's like a racoon in that way ;) Anyway, I'm so glad that at least for a little while I can get some jewelry made or some laundry done. :D

Video of Rowan

Here's little Rowan in the morning. Such a doll! Look out for those dimples :)

Happy One Month, baby girl!

Okay, I lied...a little. In my last post I said that Rowan was one month, well...that wasn't completely true. She was 4 weeks old that day, and she actually turned one month on the 5th, so Monday. But I wanted to share a few things that I love about this precious girl all the same.

First, I know everyone thinks that their own baby is adorable, so of course I do too! She is truly precious! Rowan has the most perfect little features, cute lips, nose, eyes, and eyelashes (which just stared to get a little darker and more visible). She has adorable strawberry blond hair, and of course I just love her tiny little body altogether. :)

Ben and I are just so in love with her little sounds. Every time she coos, coughs, sneezes, even when she's upset and makes mad little sounds, they're just great!

I love tiny feet.

Tiny hands, fingers, and toes.

Soft skin.

I especially love to see the way that she loves us. It's a strange and beautiful thing to watch a newborn express love. It's impossible to describe. I can sense it and feel it from her, especially in her recognition of my voice. I love that. I especially LOVE to see her love Ben. You might not notice at first, but she does act different with him. Not a whole lot, but I can see a different pattern in her behaviors when he holds her, and I can tell that she loves him so much.

I love the way she acts when she's in the water. It's almost like she's mesmerized. She becomes very calm and almost curious. She'll just stare wide-eyed, but with a content look on her face, and she seems very happy. :)

I love that she looks cute in everything I put on her.

I love how much she looks like a little doll when she's got a little bow on her head.

She's also a somewhat hearty baby, not that she's fat at all, but she just seems very well put together and like she would be able to withstand a lot. I don't know if that makes sense.

I love watching her grow, but I really hate it too. Every time I notice growth I'm ecstatic, but then I get so sad because I know that she won't stay my small baby forever. And even though I'm enjoying every moment of it, I know that there still won't be enough moments for me. I'll want more and more and she'll just never stop growing. But I'm still excited to see her progress...to sit up, to talk, to crawl, to show excitement for the new things that she'll discover every new day. Also, I can't wait to have a girl in the home that I can ask fashionable questions to (like about jewelry), 'cause Ben's not a whole lot of help in that department, though he's a huge help in others! I can't wait, and yet I want to hold time back all the same. Bittersweet I guess, it's life.

I just love this little girl.

Where's my background?

What happened? Why the white wash?

She's Here!!!

I know, I know, I've been a bad girl. Rowan is one month old TODAY and this is the first time I'm writing about her. Sorry :( It's just hard to blog when I have her in my arms ALL the time!

So, our precious baby girl came to us on Saturday, September 5, '09; 4 days before her due date. She weighed 7 lbs 15 oz, and was 20 1/4 inches long. We so exciting to have her!

Here's the birth story if you're interested, and if not just go on down to the pictures and see how CUTE she is!

Friday afternoon (Sept 8), my sweet Mom and I sat on the couch most of the day trying to keep the contractions away since my sister Michelle was not going to be arriving until Sunday morning. No luck. By Friday evening I was having pretty close contractions, but they were somewhat irregular. Well, I didn't want to go to the hospital and then have them just send me home again, and I rather wanted to labor mostly at home since it's more comfortable. So we stayed at home and timed contractions nearly all night. I would sleep for

about 3 minutes at a time...that is to say, in between each contraction. Ben was already exhausted from school and such so he fell asleep. Mom went to bed and I timed contractions through the night. Around 4 am I came out to the living room and rocked on the glider chair and then Mom came and timed my contractions from then on (btw, contractionmaster.com is the best and easiest for timing contractions). Around 5:30 am they were SUPER strong so I said it was time to go. We were already all packed and ready since the night before we weren't sure if we would be going or not so we got ready anyway.

We drove to the hospital (thank goodness it wasn't far away). Once we got there we checked in and then they took their sweet time coming down for me. Finally they got me up to triage, I gave them my birth plan and I was still set on going natural. I did think for one second..."Hm, I could get the drugs and then I wouldn't feel anything...um...no, not worth it." That was the only time I ever thought about it. The nurse told Ben to go ahead and set up the labor tub in the other room, then she checked me and said "Good girl, you're already at a NINE! He might not even have time to fill up that tub."

YESSSS! I was almost there! And it wouldn't be long at all!!!

Then another younger nurse came in and said that she was going to put in a saline lock..."Um, no thanks." Then she said she needed to draw some blood..."I'll just become weakened or faint, no thanks." Never saw her again.

Finally I got to my labor room and got in the labor tub. Highly recommend these tubs, they're amazing! It felt so good to sit in the hot water while laboring. My midwife, Ramona, arrived and said that once I was ready to push to get up on the bed. I still hadn't decided on a laboring position for delivery when I was ready to push. I had kind of planned on the squat, but it just didn't feel right so I laid on the bed. Ramona had to break my water (I figured she would since they had to do that for my Mom and Michelle for many of their pregnancies). After that I pushed for about 20 mins or so and she was out at 9:09 am! It totally didn't feel like that long, actually I could've sworn that the whole morning only took 1 hour instead of 4! Ramona was so great. I highly recommend a midwife, but especially her. She was so supportive, gave clear directions, and was there the WHOLE time! I just love her!
The whole experience was amazing! I'm totally not afraid of labor at all. It's hard, I'll never say it's not. But I think it's all about endurance and relaxing through the contractions. If I relaxed my whole body through a contraction, well it's hard to do, but it actually was less painful and I swear it made me dilate quicker. Actually, I had Ben help me by repeating to me to "relax, relax", that way it was more like taking orders and easier to do.

Rowan and I were in the hospital for just under 2 days, we left the next night. Our staff was amazing, THANK YOU GUYS! Michelle still arrived Sunday morning, and she and Mom were the BIGGEST help the following week, I'm so grateful to them! Especially when Rowan was trying to figure out her feeding/sleeping schedule and probably figure out why she was out in the open instead of cozy inside of me, they took shifts during the night to help Ben and I sleep. Love you both so much!!! Thank you for taking time away from family and work to help us out, and thank you to the families back home that let them come and help us. :)

We are still adjusting to our little babe, but figuring her out more and more all the time. It's just so neat to have a little person with tiny little fingers and toes, and eyes and lips, she's so precious!!! It's amazing to me how she came together perfectly! I just don't understand how people can see that miracle and not believe in God. I'm grateful to have been able to be a part of that miracle. Though the greater challenge, I'm sure, will be the lifetime role of being a good mother. I hope I do well at that, 'cause that's what really counts. We love Rowan so much and feel truly blessed.

WARNING: Lots of photos::

Here is me in labor at home. WOW! I was HUGE!

(Sorry about the size of the pictures. First they were too big, now they're too small. Well, I'll go and resize them, but for now this is what'cha get.) (And blogger is being weird and won't let me write in between the pictures, but they're pretty self-explanitory. Enjoy!)