Things on my mind

I've been thinking about the priorities of my day...I think they may be a little twisted.

#1. Rowan

Her sleeping/waking/eating/playing/entertaining/tummy time-ing...etc...

#2. Hmm...kinda embarrassing but here goes: Email/Facebook

#3. Laundry

#4. Researching (items for my upcoming jewelry "business"...just on Etsy). I look up all sorts of materials that I dream up. Sometimes look for inspiration.

#5. Getting ready for the day. Okay, I'm not like a complete mess, I promise! I usually shower in the evening when Ben gets home so that he can take care of the little one. Usually when I have a minute in the morning I'll put on a little...little bit of makeup, and pull my hair up somehow. But if I'm not planning on going anywhere I might just leave it at that and stay in the comfy house clothes known as PJs. :)

#6. Eating. Here's where I think I'm mostly out of whack. It can be like almost 1 o'clock and I won't have eaten anything because all of the things above, or usually just #1, will take up most of my time. Hmm...maybe I need to revise that. Actually I just started the 11 day diet (that Ben used before we got married), and it requires 4 meals a day so I think I'll be better about eating from now on.

And don't worry, I don't think I'm really fat and I don't have self-esteem issues, really. My biggest reason for getting back to my old size is that I really, really miss my clothes. And shopping for that size is soooo much easier! I'm especially dying to wear my favorite jeans again. So, that's my motivation. And I'm going to need motivation 'cause tomorrow is an all fruit day, and as much as I seriously LOVE fruit, it's the hardest day of all 11. You never feel full and you're just aching for some carbs!

Woah, I got off on a tangent...

#7. Errands. These actually scare me, since the last couple times we've gone out (last week), little pretty has thrown such a tantrum that I'm actually afraid that she's hurting herself by screaming that way. So...I'll admit I've been avoiding taking her out. But that can't last forever and she'll have to come with me some places, so we'll see about that later.

#8. Cleaning. Sad that it's at the bottom of the list, but I try a little here and there everyday. Some dishes one day, pick up the living room the next. You know, a little at a time, but I probably never have a completely clean house...but who does, right?? ;)

Most of all it's #1 that times my time, energy and focus. So everything else may, on occasion, just have to wait 'till the next day. It all depends on her :)

I guess I'm in a talkative mood right

now...or maybe a writing mood. It's probably 'cause I'm sleep deprived, tired, but not sleepy and very awake, which makes me kinda hyper. Oh and I've got lots of thoughts rolling through my head 'cause I just finished another book. Gosh! I just love books!!!

So, I just finished reading "The Host" by Stephenie Meyer (Twilight series writer, I'm sure you know). I had been told a long time ago that it wasn't that good, and to not waste my time, so I read a few pages in (at the bookstore), and decided I wouldn't read it. Well, Laura and Maryanne (my neighbors and friends) told me that they really liked it and that I should give it another try. Well, after I got past the first little part, I was hooked! I really liked it. And I'm very comfortable with S. Meyer's writing style. It's somewhat predictable, and she's into drama, grief, pain, love, hope, but ultimately happy endings (at least so far that's what she's written). I'm not always into happy endings, but for the most part I am.

There are many books that I'm sure have influenced her writing, but the ones I found (by way of her writing, or the way the story led) in this book were: Harry Potter, especially #7; Ender's Game (or maybe Speaker of the Dead, which I know she really likes); ohh there were some more, but now I can't think of them. Probably part of the sleep deprivation.

I've also been thinking of the miracle of life! I can't help it every time I see my little girl. I think to myself so many things: "Wow, how amazing God is that he made my body able to have ME make YOU! And you have a life! You're a real life with a soul and actions and moods and choices! How am I so LUCKY that I get to be your Mother! ...Wow the word is still weird to me. I'm a Mother? Still, I LOVE it! You're my responsibility, and that's a HUGE responsibility!!! To raise you, and the right way, but I want to do it."

I keep thinking to myself: okay, it's time to stop being the carefree young adult I once was. I've gotta try to become more like those that raised me because they did it right, and I know of no better way to do it for her. I've got to become more selfless, caring, tidy, organized, mature (in some sense of the word, 'cause I don't think I'll ever REALLY grown up), charitable, trusting...of myself and of others, especially my "partner in crime" ;) These things I need to be, just like my role models: My parents. Because I want to be as good as a parent as they were to me. Because in my eyes they were, and are, perfect. I know I won't come close to that, but I'm going to do my best to try. :)

Well, that's it for tonight. I think I wrote enough that I can go to sleep now. Maybe all I needed was to get some of my thoughts out of my head and on paper...I mean online. Goodnight!